To my Denver divorce and family law clients, I give the following advice: NEVER write a Facebook post, text or e-mail if you are under any kind of emotional strain. In other words, if you feel the slightest bit angry, frustrated, upset, or sad, you should let those feelings pass before ever communicating about your case. You should also ask yourself if you should be writing or posting anything in the first place. Everything that you say on Facebook, in a text, in an e-mail or on any other social networking site can be used as evidence, often with dire consequences in your divorce case.
How Facebook and Digital Communications Can Ruin Your Divorce Case
Digital communication is such a large part of how we connect with each other. It’s easy to send a quick text or post on social media without a second thought. But if you’re going through a divorce, these seemingly harmless actions can have a negative impact on your divorce case in Colorado.
It’s not uncommon for people in divorce or child custody proceedings to overshare online, whether on social media or other digital communications. This can unintentionally sabotage their chances of getting a desirable divorce settlement. In addition, many spouses going through a divorce rely on email and text messages as an efficient and neutral way to communicate with one another. But this can also present an extremely tempting way to lash out when angry or frustrated.
It is critical for individuals going through a divorce in Colorado to be aware of how these communications can be used as evidence in court, and how to adapt your communications to protect your best interests. The team at Colorado Legal Group banded together to provide you with this practical guide, so you can learn how text messages, emails, and social media posts are used during a divorce in Colorado, plus Do’s and Don’ts for digital communication during divorce proceedings.
How Social Media and Private Messages are Used in Colorado Divorce Cases
Courts in Denver and throughout all of Colorado routinely admit social media postings, text messages, and emails into evidence in divorce cases. This means anything you communicate electronically can potentially be used against you.
For example, a Facebook post criticizing your ex-spouse’s parenting, Instagram photos showing irresponsible behavior, heated communications with your ex-spouse or children, or tweets expressing anger or threats can all be detrimental to your case. Understanding these risks can help you protect yourself and achieve a favorable outcome in child support, alimony, visitation rights, and so much more.
Attorney Cindy Tsuei Talks, “How I Used Instagram to Fight for My Client”
My client came to me worried about their partner’s extramarital affairs, and how that was affecting the financial outcome of their case. Using Instagram, I discovered that the opposing party had a boyfriend that she flew frequently to see and traveled with during the pendency of the divorce case. Through the Instagram posts of the opposing party and her boyfriend, I discovered that they spent a lot of money on food, lodging, entertainment, and more, which matched with the transactions in the parties’ joint bank accounts. We were able to show the Court that the opposing party was out of state with her boyfriend attending concerts, staying at hotels, partaking in recreational activities, etc., and depleting marital funds to do the same. Colorado is an equitable distribution state, so when one party is depleting joint funds, that affects the financial outcome of the other party.
We were able to use the Instagram images and posts to prove that the opposing party committed marital waste to fund an extramarital relationship. Without these Instagram posts, it is likely that we would not have been able to prove to the Court that the opposing party attended these activities and events, traveled with her boyfriend, and used marital funds to fund an extramarital relationship.
6 Do’s and Don’ts of Communication During a Divorce in Colorado
1. Don’t Send Texts, Emails, or Social Media Posts When You’re Emotional
The most important rule when going through a divorce is never write a Facebook post, text, or email if you are under any kind of emotional strain. Even if you’ve just had a fierce argument with your spouse, stay cool, breathe, and take a minute. Because in the heat of the moment, most people are tempted to fire back an angry text message or post a rant on their Facebook profile to let off some steam. While this might be cathartic to let your emotions run wild in the moment, it could have significant implications for your divorce proceedings.
While there’s nothing wrong with advocating for yourself, emotionally-charged messages can easily be misinterpreted, escalate conflicts, and damage your credibility. More importantly, these messages can be used against you in court. If you feel angry, frustrated, upset, or sad, the best thing you can do is let those feelings pass before communicating about your case. Taking a moment to cool down can save you from potential legal troubles.
If you need to vent or seek support, consider alternatives to digital communication. Talking to a trusted friend in person, keeping a private journal, or seeking professional counseling can give you the emotional outlet you need–without creating digital evidence that could be used against you in Colorado courtrooms.
2. Don’t Discuss Legal Proceedings Publicly
It’s 100% inappropriate to discuss legal proceedings for your divorce or child custody case on a public platform like Facebook, Instagram, or other social media channels. You can assume that your spouse’s divorce attorney will likely scrutinize your Facebook page and other social media profiles for damaging evidence against you.
Because of this, you should avoid posting anything related to your divorce or child custody case online, even if it seems innocuous. Even seemingly harmless Facebook posts can be used against you in court and negatively impact your case.
3. Don’t Immediately Delete Everything Off of Your Social Media
What if you’ve already posted something on your social media channels, and you aren’t sure if it could hurt your case? You might feel the need to clean up your Facebook page before filing any legal proceedings.
However, be cautious as this might be considered the destruction of potential evidence. Deleting old posts, photos, or comments could be viewed as an attempt to hide pertinent information. Because of this, you should always consult with your divorce attorney before making any changes to your social media profiles so that they can advise you on the best approach for your specific situation.
What are the Consequences of Destruction of Potential Evidence?
The destruction of potential evidence, commonly referred to as spoliation, can have serious consequences. Here are some of the key repercussions that might occur:
- Court Penalties: The court may impose sanctions on the party responsible for the destruction of evidence.
- Negative Inferences: If a party destroys evidence, the judge or jury (if applicable) may assume that the evidence would have been unfavorable to the party that destroyed it. This is known as an “adverse inference.”
- Loss of Credibility: The party who destroyed evidence can suffer a significant loss of credibility in the eyes of the court. This loss of trust can affect the court’s interpretation of other evidence or testimony provided by that party.
- Impact on Settlements and Judgments: The destruction of evidence can also impact negotiations and outcomes. For instance, it might lead to less favorable terms in a settlement or influence the judge’s decisions on critical aspects of the divorce such as asset division, child custody, and alimony.
- Criminal Charges: In extreme cases, if the destruction of evidence violates specific laws, the responsible party might face criminal charges.
- Financial Consequences: Courts can also award monetary damages to the other party if they can demonstrate that the destruction of evidence caused them financial harm.
4. Do Think Before You Post
Before you hit send on that text message or post a status update to your feed, ask yourself if it is necessary to communicate or post anything at all. Consider a scenario where you want to share details about a recent family event or your thoughts on your divorce, so you post online thinking nothing of it. Once you have shared something digitally, it’s out there. It can be retrieved and used as evidence. Always consider the potential consequences of your digital footprint. A seemingly innocent post can be used to call your character or judgment into question.
Another good way to think about it is to always consider if what you are writing is something you would want a judge to hear.
5. Do Be Civil, Thoughtful, and Clear in Your Communications
Again, while it is important to advocate for your position, there is no rule against being civil. Thoughtful and respectful communication can help keep your divorce proceedings smooth, less contentious, and ultimately amicable in a way that allows you to arrive at the best outcome for your interests.
For example, if you need to discuss a sensitive issue, consider writing a draft of the email and then reviewing it later when you are calmer. This can help ensure that your message is clear and respectful, so it won’t be misconstrued. In addition, consider the following tips to maintain civility and clarity in your communications:
- Use Neutral Language: Avoid accusatory or inflammatory language that can escalate conflicts. Instead, use neutral terms and focus on expressing your needs and concerns without placing blame.
- Focus on the Issue at Hand: Keep your messages concise and to the point. Address the specific issue at hand without bringing up past grievances or unrelated topics, which can derail productive conversation.
- Clearly State Your Intentions: If you’re requesting information or proposing an arrangement, be clear about what you want and why.
What are Some Examples of “Neutral Language”?
Using neutral terms in communication during a divorce is crucial to maintain civility and ensure that discussions don’t escalate unnecessarily. Here are some examples of neutral terms and phrases that can be used:
- “We” and “Our:” Using inclusive pronouns helps avoid placing blame and fosters a sense of teamwork, even in a challenging situation. For example, “We need to decide what’s best for our children.”
- “Decisions” or “Choices:” Instead of “demands” or “requirements,” which can sound confrontational or dictatorial. For instance, “We have some decisions to make about the house.”
- “Challenges” or “Issues:” These words can replace “problems” or “disagreements,” which might carry negative connotations. “We’re facing some challenges with the scheduling that we need to address.”
- “Agree:” This term can be useful for focusing on common ground rather than differences. “Do we agree that our children’s well-being is the top priority?”
- “Understand” or “See:” These terms encourage empathy and validation of the other person’s perspective. “I understand the concerns about this issue.”
- “Propose” or “Suggest:” These words can be used instead of “want” or “demand,” making suggestions sound less forceful. “I suggest we look at both our schedules to find a solution.”
- “Outcome:” Using outcome instead of “win” or “loss” avoids making the situation seem like a competition. “Let’s focus on finding the best outcome for everyone involved.”
- “Consider:” This term implies openness to ideas, which can help in negotiations. “Could we consider a few different options for how to handle this?”
Being civil, thoughtful, and clear in your communications sets a positive tone for interactions and helps facilitate a smoother divorce process. This approach not only benefits your legal case, but also supports a healthier transition for everyone involved, including any children.
6. Do Consult with Your Attorney
It should go without saying, but general advice will only get you so far. Before making significant decisions about your digital communications, you should always seek advice from your attorney.
The attorneys at Colorado Legal Group can help you understand the legal implications of your digital communications and advise on the best strategies to protect your interests. For example, they suggest specific ways to communicate with your ex-spouse that minimize conflict and legal risk. They can also guide you on how to handle existing digital evidence.
Your attorney can also help you draft any necessary communications, ensuring they are clear, professional, and free of any potentially damaging language. They can review your emails, text messages, and social media posts before you send them, providing an extra layer of protection.
Case Study: How [Attorney] at Colorado Legal Group Used Social Media to Provide a Favorable Outcome for Their Client
Let’s use one of our attorneys who has gathered evidence in a past case to provide a favorable outcome for their client. This will showcase a highly unique piece of content that’ll stand out above competitors. To avoid friction or delay, I recommend DC or Brent put the word out to a selected attorney to receive a prompt response.
Get Legal Counsel for Your Colorado Divorce
Your digital communications, including text messages, emails, and Facebook posts, can significantly impact your divorce case. Being mindful of what you share and consulting with your attorney can help you protect your best interests and avoid potential pitfalls. Remember, anything you write can potentially be used as evidence, so it’s crucial to communicate carefully and thoughtfully.
If you’re concerned about how your digital communications might affect your divorce case, contact our office for a consultation. We can provide personalized legal advice to help you navigate this challenging time. Schedule an appointment today to discuss your case in detail and ensure your communications work for you, not against you.
Fill out our free case evaluation form or call us at 720-594-7360 to get started.